Audrey's birthday is the 18 Dec. Less than a week away. I am going to miss her birthday. I didn't think that I would have to go so long without seeing my children. The ache in my heart is so immense; it threatens destruction at every turn. I just want to snatch my little darlings up in my arms and sing them to sleep with this sweet lullaby.
I can't believe she is turning 3! I have missed 6 months of her short life--that's like a lifetime in Mommy years. I wonder if she remembers me. I pray every night for God to send angels to watch over my dear little ones and to whisper in their ears that "Mommy loves them!" And that I'll see them again, soon. And to fill their hearts with peace and comfort. I hope that He does.
I have presents to take to Audrey for her birthday. I made a dress. It's bright pink and sparkly; it matches the one I made Bethany in August, for her birthday. And I bought a Tangled coloring book because she loves Rapunzel. My parents, also, gave me some small gifts to give to her, too. But with how things are right now with the court case, (my in-laws have declined our settlement option, stating "A guardianship arrangement is not acceptable at this time" and we declined their settlement option which was to just let them go forth with the adoption proceeding and then they'd agree to let me at least see my kids...when they felt like it anyway), it seems they are so set against me having anything to do with my children, I don't think they will give my gifts to Audrey and tell her that they are from her Mommy.
What I wish I could do is get some carolers together (people that aren't me or my sibs, so they'll open the door!) to go sing to her The First Noel (her middle name is Noel, so that's 'her' Christmas carol) and give her the gifts with a bundle of balloons. And then have someone whisper in her ear that they are from Mommy and that Mommy loves her very much!
Oh, how I just need life to fast forward to the day when they are safely back in my care...and then I relax a little and just worry about providing for them as a single mom...(ironic laugh)!
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