Breath in...breath out

I don't like Thanksgiving. Never have. In college, I would pretend to like it because it was a reason to have a big party and pretend that I knew how to cook in order to impress boys that liked food. None of them were ever impressed with my skills, but that didn't matter because we had a party and there was edible food that my roommates had made.

Now, it's a family party, but the food is always the same (YUCK!), and they know I don't cook, so they don't ever ask me to bring anything. I'm not complaining, I'm just stating the reason why I can't pretend to like Thanksgiving anymore.

The same yucky food over and over again. Lots of eating, sleeping and pie. In my family, it also means movies or sports running all day long on every TV in the house. To some that may just be their little slice of heaven; for me, it's a belly ache and restlessness.

Other Thanksgivings have proven to be more tolerable than this one. I started out the weekend before Thursday coaching myself on how it was going to be a great holiday season this year. I was going to have a good attitude. I was going to get along with everyone. I was going to smile and be cheerful despite my current situation.

The first party was at my Sister's home. All my siblings were there (except Ben...he was doing something a little more important like graduating and becoming Marine!) with all of their children. A houseful--usually just what I like. However, after only 10 minutes, I found myself extremely teary. And then there was "The Blessing" over the food...I lost it! My Dad prayed for those not with us, I let out a sob and through blurry eyes I saw a million pairs of little eyes (nieces and nephews) peaking around to see who was crying and why. The rest of the evening was downhill emotionally.

I cried myself to sleep that night.

The whole next week I spent with my parents in Idaho. I thought the reprieve away from my usual routine would be helpful. It proved to be otherwise when I had to spend all week deciding whether or not to accept a settlement option in the court case.

My Dad realized how difficult this was for me and would whisper in my ear every time he walked by me, "Just breath, Jacq." It would make me smile because one of my recent favorite songs recites this mantra over and over.

I love my parents and their simple, yet profound, wisdom.

I'll try to keep this tool ready for use throughout this holiday season because I'm assuming it's just going to get tougher and tougher as the weeks roll by.