Veni! Vedi! Vici!

The start of a new year. This is a time I have always loved. I love to make New Years

resolutions. I love starting new things. The excitement, the anticipation of not knowing, but believing that I can MAKE things happen!

The world (until recently) has always be an open and inviting place to be. Full of possibilities. A place of wonder, amusement, adventure. And the New Year was a time to throw out the bad, (luck that went awry, unmet goal, things I'd been trying and rehashing throughout the year that just never panned out, old relationships gone sour, thinking patterns that were wearing on my soul, negative self limiting beliefs, or anything that I was just plain bored of), and begin again with new. New tries. New desires. New goals.

My motto, Veni! Vidi! Vici! (I came! I saw! I conquered!)

Even through the last 6 years, the New Year brought on, for me, the excitement of newness. I have, written in my journals, my New Year's Resolutions lists. Each, written with the hope that I'd be able to change enough to make my marriage not just work, but thrive. The beauty of hindsight, is that I can read these goals back to back and see that nothing changed in my desires from year to year. The only thing that changed was my desperation and hopelessness...and wording I used--to make something appear like it was NEW. By 2009, my goal was the same, but I never finished the list. I left off mid-sentence and ended up scribbling a short, sad, despairing poem at the bottom of the page. 2010's list just said: New Year's Resolutions 1: Find myself...

This year, is different. I feel compelled to make new goals, but I feel somewhat powerless to achieve anything, let alone greatness! But I know that to get to the light, sometimes we must take steps into the darkness. We have to have courage and use it, or we must take the courage that someone else has offered us. I'm choosing the later.

I don't necessarily believe in my own power or ability (especially at this time in my life) to transform this old body of mine into the healthy, fit, and efficient machine that I'd like it to be. Or to do anything of significance. But I do believe others have done amazing things through times of trial. So, I will take courage from others who have gone before and along side of me and I will step into the darkness and push forward this year until I'm basking in the sunlight...(and hopefully, I'll be in a yellow poke-a-dot bikini and lying on a sunny beach somewhere in the Caribbean!)

So, without further ado, my New Years Resolution (drum roll, please):

1) Have my parental rights reinstated and gain custody of my kids

2) Get down to a healthy weight (ha! When isn't that on my lists--especially after indulging in the holiday splendor?)

3) Run in the Top of Utah 1/2 marathon in August and the Marine Corps marathon in Oct.

4) Get a career level job that I LOVE

5) Move into my own place

6) Begin to payback my debts to my family

7) Start to repair my damaged credit

8) Write the music arrangements I've been meaning to do

9) Give back

10) Meet Josh Groban

Happy New Year!

(My sister's and I looking 'all pale and tragic' New Years Eve!